


Mike and Todd 2: The Dark Lord Strikes Back

by SeaShellEyes09



Category: South Park
Genre: Other, POV Original Character, SatanxSaddam, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 00:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3360830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaShellEyes09/pseuds/SeaShellEyes09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A "sequel" of the adventures of Mike and Todd, two immortal beings (loosely based on Trey Parker and Matt Stone) sent to the planet Earth as minions of Satan, helping him to corrupt the minds of the youth of South Park, so that the Dark Lord shall rise again, and overthrow the world. Please read the notes for more info about them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mike and Todd 2: The Dark Lord Strikes Back

**Author's Note:**

> Brief introduction of Mike and Todd:
> 
> They were created for a South Park role-playing group I was once a part of, by me and another member. Basically, they are OC's loosely based on Trey Parker and Matt Stone themselves, who frequently interacted with the kids. They look very much like Trey and Matt (in their younger days), and their names are quite similar. The inspiration for them originated from a skit Matt and Trey once made as an intro for the South Park dvd, where they are "Preforming for the Elderly" (by playing/singing death metal for the old folks.) Their role in our group at the time, was basically to be the comedic relief characters who frequently tormented the other characters (mostly the main boys and friends) with their antics. 
> 
> Mike and Todd are originally from Colorado. They've known each other since childhood. Both of them believe that, because their moms were both slutty groupies who hung around rock stars in the 70's, that their biological fathers are famous rock stars from Black Sabbath (Mike, believing his dad is Ozzy, and Todd believing his dad is Ronnie James Dio.).
> 
> But little do they both know, that their real dads are not from Sabbath and will soon find out who they truly are, for once and for all.
> 
> They are both very big fans of heavy metal, their favorite band being Black Sabbath. However, Todd is not at all a fan of Ozzy's music during his solo career, and nor is Mike of Dio's. (Which frequently brings up disputes over who's dad sucks harder, who's dad wrote what Sabbath song, and who's dad invented the "devil horn" sign- which according to Wikipedia, was Dio, but according to Mike, is a lie.)
> 
> Mike and Todd have their own lame ass rock band which they formed with their high school buddy, Kurt who is their drummer. (I changed the name of the band a few times and I don't remember what it was, so maybe I'll make it a running gag that their band name constantly changes). They started their band in high school, and it was during a talent show in  
> high school that they were both killed, on stage, by electrocution, due to faulty wiring from Mike's guitar amp. 
> 
> When they died, they found themselves in Hell, where they met Satan and Saddam. They were then made immortal beings and sent back to Earth with the mission of forming an Evil Army of Hatred for Satan's great return to Earth. They did this, by posing as therapists to find troubled/angry youth to recruit.
> 
> Being fans of all things metal, Mike and Todd speak in CAPS LOCK at all times, because they are constantly shouting in their "metal voices". Even though they are allegedly best friends, they usually do not get along with each other, and often end up getting into fist fights over girls, or arguing over who's dad is cooler. Both of them are extremely delusional in  
> thinking that they are bad ass rock stars, even though they both still live with their moms,and their band sucks.
> 
> They are both quite cocky when it comes to meeting attractive women, and often become competitive, even though neither of them are popular with the ladies. They are also both quite perverted and crude, but more-so Todd, than Mike.
> 
> Mike is half-Jewish, on his mother's side. Todd often makes anti-Semitic remarks about Mike's heritage. Mike takes his role as a Satanic Therapist a little bit more seriously than Todd does.Though both par-take in frequent drug and alcohol abuse, Todd is a full-blown alcoholic who cares more about partying and getting laid than anything else. Ironically, they also used to host AA meetings at Hell's Pass Hospital, along with group therapy sessions, where they did nothing but yell at and insult their patients (one of their frequent clients was Randy Marsh). 
> 
> Some time in their career, an argument about their dads (one of many) turned ugly, and resulted in them beating each other up, trashing their shared office at Hell's Pass hospital, and going their separate ways. They have not spoken to each other in several years.......
> 
> Until now.
> 
> This story is about how they must reunite to save the fate of Hell, or be trapped on Earth forever, as immortals. They also discover the truth about their fathers and get into all sorts of fun trouble along the way.

EXT- DAY

Zoom IN shot of the outside of a small bulding, in Las Angelas. TODD BARKER, a middle aged man, with disheveled (thinning) bleach-blonde hair enters from the right, yelling into his smart phone. He's dressed in a very 80's rocker-glam style: A huge mink coat, gold framed Ray Ban shades, leather zebra-print pants, and huge platform shoes, with gold chains hanging from his belt and around his neck. He approaches the door.

TODD: LOOK, I'M NOT RUNNING A CHARITY FUCKING CASE HERE, KURT! NOBODY GETS BACK STAGE WITHOUT A VIP PASS AND AT LEAST A GRAM OF COKE! THE TICKETS ARE GOING TO BE SOLD THE FUCK OUT ON EVERY STOP OF THIS FUCKING TOUR SO TELL YOUR HOT CHICK FRIENDS THEY CAN SUCK MY DICK, BUT THEY'RE STILL NOT GETTING BACK STAGE! I'M AT THE STUDIO NOW, SO FUCK YOU!

INT- DAY

Inside the recording Studio, TODD enters the sound mixer room. On top of the control panels, is a framed photograph. He pauses to pick it up and look at it. ZOOM IN on the photo in his hands of two young men, one appears to be TODD, in sweater vests. The other has a large afro, glasses, and an acoustic guitar in hand. Above them is a banner reading "MIKE AND TODD's THERAPY OPENING PARTY, 2008". PULL back to reveal TODD's disheartened expression, as he stares at the picture and sighs. It quickly turns into anger as he slams the frame, face down on top of the mixing board and opens another door, walking into the sound stage.

POV SHOT through the sound stage glass, where the mixing board is. We see TODD enter the recording studio, put on a large set of head-phones.

TODD: DEBRAAA!!! WHERE'S MY DOUBLE JACK AND COKE!? YOU KNOW I CANT PREFORM WITHOUT IT!!! MAKE IT SNAPPY! YOU CAN BE REPLACED YOU KNOW! (slightly less loud, but still yelling) STUPID BITCH....ALRIGHT! LETS GET THIS SHIT ROLLING, I GOT A HUGE PARTY TO GO TO AFTER THIS AND THE STRIP CLUB CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT, FUCKERS!!

he pauses, reaching for a large bong. After taking a huge rip from it, he pulls up a bar stool to set it on and adjusts his mic and starts coughing. He hacks up a wad of flem and spits on the floor before he takes a deep breath and starts to shout into the mic.

TODD: AND A 1, AND A 2...

he is interrupted by a loud, violent thumping on the floor above him, followed by an off screen, gravely female voice

DEBRA: TODD!! YOU BETTER NOT BE YELLING INTO THAT GOD DAMN MICROPHONE AGAIN!!! I'M WATCHING ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK!!

TODD: (rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed sigh) DEBRA, FOR FUCK SAKES!! I'M WORKING DOWN HERE!! AND I TOLD YOU TO GET ME A JACK AND COKE!!

The voice gets louder, as a set of veiny, leather knee-high-wearing legs under a shot black skirt appear at the top of the set of stairs behind TODD.

DEBRA: I AINT YOUR FUCKIN' MAID I'M YOUR MOTHER!! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!

TODD: MOM, SHUT UP! I SAID IM WORKING!!

DEBRA: WHY DON'T YOU GET A REAL JOB SO YOU CAN PAY SOME DAMN BILLS AROUND HERE!?

TODD: THIS IS MY REAL JOB YOU STUPID BITCH!! I'M RECORDING A SOLO ALBUM AND IT'S GONNA MAKE BILLIONS AND THEN I'M GONNA GO ON TOUR FOR FUCK SAKES I'VE EXPLAINED THIS TO YOU A HUNDRED TIMES YOU HORRID WENCH!!! YOU'RE LUCKY I LET YOU MOVE IN WITH ME WHEN I MOVED TO LA!!

DEBRA: YOU MADE ME COME HERE BECAUSE YOU BLEW ALL YOUR MONEY ON THIS STUPID STUDIO AND YOUR DAMN GOLD CHAINS AND HOOKERS!!! IF IT WASN'T FOR MY STRIPPING JOB YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THIS PLACE!! YOU'RE FUCKING 45 YEARS OLD FOR CHRIST SAKES!! GROW UP!!

TODD: FUCK YOU I DONT NEED HOOKERS I HAVE A HOT ASS FIANCE!!! AND LIKE A MILLION FOLLOWERS ON MY INSTAGRAM SO WHY DON'T YOU CHOKE ON A DICK!!?

DEBRA: (throws something down the stairs at him: an empty liquor bottle) FUCK YOU, SON! IF I WOULD HAVE DONE MORE BLOW WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE! AND THEN MAYBE I COULD HAVE SOME PEACE AND FUCKING QUIET!!  
As she returns upstairs, TODD becomes enraged, removing and throwing off his headphones.

TODD: URRRRRGH!!! I CAN'T FUCKING WORK LIKE THIS!!  
He shoves the stool with the bong out of his way, knocking it down. We hear a CRASH as he exits the sound stage, and returns to the mixing room.

WIDE PAN RIGHT to reveal the other half of the room, which is where Todd apparently lives. It is a disgusting mess of empty liquor bottles and garbage, with the wall covered in posters of 90's-esque Playboy models, and Ronnie James Dio, with his bands: DIO and Black Sabbath. Ozzy Osbourne's face has been violently scribbled out with black marker in the Sabbath posters. There is a crappy looking twin bed cot in the corner of the room, and a mini fridge next to it. TODD bends down to open it and takes out a bottle of beer before he gets on his phone again.

An audible female voice on the phone answers

CARMEN: Yeah?

TODD: HEY BABY ITS YOUR LOVE MACHINE/FUTURE HUSBAND TODD, HOW YOU DOING? I SAW YOU CALLED EARLIER SO, UH...

CARMEN: Oh, yeah! Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving you.

TODD: (enraged) WHAT!?

CARMEN: Look, I'm sorry, but that's what happens when you don't make your payments, hon! I'm moving on to someone who has some real money, and doesn't still live with his mom. You still owe me about 8 grand!

TODD: BUT THATS WHY I PROPOSED TO YOU SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY YOU TO BANG YOU ANYMORE!!

CARMEN: You didn't even get me a ring!

TODD: NO BUT I PROMISED YOU I'D GET YOU A DAMN PROMISE RING!!

CARMEN: Well, I can't pay Big Eddie with promises, sweetie. It'd say it's been fun, but it really hasn't. You're revolting. Call me when you've got the money. Ciao, babe!

TODD: CARMEN!? CARMEN YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! HELLO!? WELL FUCK YOU WE'RE NO LONGER FRIENDS ON INSTAGRAM, STUPID HOE!! YOUR GONNA REGRET THIS BIG TIME IN A FEW MONTHS WHEN MY ALBUM COMES OUT!! (realizes she's already hung up) HELLO!? FUCK!!!

He hurdles the phone across the room and pops the tab off his beer

TODD: GOD DAMMIT WHY IS EVERY WOMAN IN MY LIFE A FUCKING CUNT!!? TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE...

He opens another door, which leads into a very small dingy bathroom. He steps inside, looking at the dirty, cracked mirror over the sink. Stuck inside the frame is another photo of DIO, giving his signature 'devil horns'. TODD glances at the photo and makes the devil horn sign at it.

TODD: YOU FUCKING ROCK, DAD. (he sighs, looking at his own reflection.) ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO MAKE YOU PROUD. LOOK AT ME. Pfft...(shakes his head)

CLOSE UP SHOT of water inside TODD's filthy toilet, splattered with puke and god knows what else. We see TODD's reflection in the bowl as he's chugging his beer. We hear an UNZIP sound. As a stream of pee starts to hit the water, the reflection changes. Suddenly, SADDAM HUSSEIN's face appears in the bowl.

SADDAM: Why if it isn't one of my favorite fuck-faces!

TODD screams as he clutches his chest and jumps back from the toilet, startled. He looks around, nervously, panting.

TODD: JESUS, FUCK! (He shakes his head and speaks more calmly) THAT KUSH REALLY GOT TO ME...FUCK. AWWH...I FUCKING PISSED ON MY SWEET ZEBRA PANTS! JESUS CHRIST!

As he reaches for the door handle to leave the bathroom, he's startled once again.  
SADDAM: Wrong again, dipshit! It's me, Saddam!

TODD's eyes widen and he gasps. 360 PAN SHOT to reveal mirror in front of TODD. SADDAM'S face appears in the reflection, instead of TODD's.

TODD: SADDAM!

SADDAM: That's right! Say, where's the other little bitch who's usually with you!?

TODD: (becoming annoyed) LAST I HEARD HE WAS STILL WORKING FOR YOU! HE MOVED TO NEW YORK OR SOME FUCKING SHIT!! WHO GIVES A FUCK!? I'M LIVING THE DREAM WITHOUT THAT JEWISH PEICE OF SHIT!

SADDAM: By living the dream, you mean rotting away like the low-life, beer-drinking, pee-smelling scum-bag you are!?  
TODD: NO!! I'M MAKING A FUCKING ROCK ALBUM AND...GETTING LAID AND PARTYING AND SHIT, JUST LIKE MY DAD! I GET LIKE, 1000 GROUPIES A NIGHT AND THEY ALL WANT MY COCK SO FUCK YOU!

SADDAM: HA! You and I know damn well that's not true! They wouldn't want it if it were wrapped in hundred dollar bills and ejaculated chocolate! Aren't you going to ask me how Satan's doing? Do you really think he's forgotten about your mission, after all these years!?

TODD: I TOLD YOU I'M DONE DOING THAT SHIT SADDAM! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BATHROOM!

SADDAM: I can't! I've been told to give you a message!

TODD: OH YEAH AND WHAT'S THAT!?

SADDAM: That you're a peice of shit! Satan told me himself! HAHAHAHA!

TODD: WELL TELL SATAN TO SUCK A DICK!!

SADDAM: I do! Every night, you little bitch! Which is a lot more than you can say!

TODD: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ASSHOLE!

SADDAM: Heyyy, you're just jealous that I'm getting ass and you aren't! Look! I have something important to tell you, for real! Satan needs your help! You and your gay fuck buddy are his only hope!

TODD: MIKE IS NOT MY FUCK BUDDY, I HATE THAT FUCKING QUEER!! HE THOUGHT HE COULD JUST DITCH ME LIKE FUCKING OZZY DITCHED DIO, EXCEPT HE'S NOT FUCKING COOL ENOUGH TO MAKE IT ON HIS OWN BECAUSE HE'S A GOD DAMN STUPID JEW!!

SADDAM: Well, it seems there is no other way! Look, your mission was plain and simple! You were to pose as family crisis therapist, find a bunch of angry kids, and make them even angrier, to assemble an army of hatrid for Satan's great return to Earth, but you screwed it all up!

TODD: I DON'T DO THAT FUCKING THERAPY SHIT ANYMORE!! IT WAS LAME AS FUCK AND I ONLY DID IT TO GET DEPRESSED TEENAGE GIRLS TO FUCK ME!!

SADDAM: HA! Some good that did you!

TODD: FUCK YOU! I GOT PRETTY CLOSE TO GETTING LAID SEVERAL TIMES!

SADDAM's face appears even closer in the mirror

SADDAM: SHUT UP AND LISTEN YOU DICKLESS LITTLE TWIT! You see, we've tried everything to turn the people of God against him in the past! Brainwashing! Wars! Subliminal messages in rock music! But we've always been discovered before we do any real damage! Your dad was a big screw-up just like you! So we killed him!

TODD: (expression softens, as does his tone of voice but, again, still yelling) MY DAD WORKED FOR YOU GUYS?

SADDAM: DUH, you little bitch! Yours, AND Mike Rock's! The blood of a demon runs through your veins! But they got too caught up in earthly pleasures to complete their mission! We thought maybe we'd have better luck with the two of you, but apparently you're just as fucked up and useless as they are! And even worse, neither of you can get laid to reproduce! What a huge disappointment!

TODD: HEY I'VE BEEN LAID LIKE A FUCKING BILLION TIMES!! LOOK...I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK MIKE IS, AND I DONT GIVE A SHIT, BECAUSE I'M THROUGH WITH HIM AND YOU GUYS! I'M ALL ABOUT ME NOW, OK!? I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE FREE WORLD OR WHATEVER SO FUCK OFF AND FIND YOURSELF SOME NEW GUYS, ALRIGHT!?

SADDAM: That's the problem! We CAN'T!

TODD: WHADDAYA MEAN!?

SADDAM: Each generation on Earth is becoming worse! They're all a bunch of pussies who want to save the planet instead of destroy it! It won't be long before it's too late!

TODD: WELL THAT'S NOT MY GOD DAMN PROBLEM!

SADDAM: HEY! You will do as I say, or I'll tell Satan! You don't want to see him when he's angry!

TODD: PUH! WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO, KILL ME!? I DON'T CARE! I'M IMMORTAL, DIPSHIT! BESIDES IF I DIE I'LL JUST GO TO HELL AGAIN AND HELL KICKS ASS!

SADDAM: Oh! But it's been a few years since you've been here, Todd! Don't you realize that when your dad died, he ended up here?

TODD: (suddenly interested) MY DAD IS IN HELL? I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET MY DAD..

SADDAM: Where the hell do you think he is, Detroit!? And trust me, Mike's dad is JUST around the corner! He'll be dead in another year or two! So guess what! If you don't complete your mission, you'll never get to see them! You and Mike will still be immortal, but you'll never be welcome back into Hell! You'll be forced to live the rest of your pathetic lives as the middle-aged low-lives you've become! And every generation after you will be more and more uncool! With their shitty dubstep music and lame ass social media blogs!

TODD: (grips the sides of his hair) NOOOOO!!! YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT, SADDAM!

SADDAM: Oh, but I would!

TODD: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT FINE! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?

SADDAM: I want you to find your stupid bitch asshole friend! You'll never be able to complete your mission without him! Once you do that, get your asses down here so Satan can tell you what you need to do next! YOU HAVE 3 DAYS!

With that, TODD's mirror suddenly explodes, shattering into a million shards of glass which end up mostly on the floor. TODD brushes some off himself.

TODD: GOD DAMMIT, THIS FUCKING SUCKS! (he exits the bathroom) LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE TO UNBLOCK MIKE ON FACEBOOK...

The opening guitar riff of "Holy Diver" by DIO overlaps  
NEXT SHOT is a beat up, rusted black van, driving down the highway as the song begins to fade out.  
/End scene

 

SCENE 2

INT-NIGHT

A CLOSE UP shot of a hand plucking an electric guitar, playing the opening riff of "Island in the Sun" by Weezer. Pan back to reveal the guitarist as MIKE ROCK. Like TODD his appearance has dramatically changed over the years: His jewfro is cut short, and he now has a beard, along with "hipster" glasses, and a red woolen, flannel shirt. PAN back even farther to reveal the rest of his band, who are all dressed in a similar style to MIKE, in their late twenties. There is a drummer, bass guitarist, and a front man, who is also playing a more modern, high-tech version of a keyboard. On the bass drum is the band name: KEYBOARD WARRIORS. They preform the first verse, and chorus of the song, as they are wrapping it up, the door of the cafe opens and TODD walks in, looking extremely pissed off. He stands in the back corner, unnoticed by

MIKE or any one else in the room and looks on in utter disgust.

DON (the front man): (in a very dull, pretentious monotone) Thanks for coming out here today, guys. Support your local artists. You can download our album on iTunes.com. We're the KeyBoard Warriors.

MIKE looks around the room, and we see that they are not preforming at a bar, but some high-end European-like cafe. MIKE gives a small, disatisfied sigh, as the small audience before them barely responds. The band begins to tear down their set.

DON: Great show today, guys.

DRUMMER: Yeah. Really great turn out.

MIKE: Are you fucking kidding me? There's no one here!

DON: You sound angry, Mike.

MIKE: I'm not angry, Don. I'm just saying! How are we ever going to get laid if we only preform at shitty cafes and farmers markets!?

DON: Being in a band isn't about getting laid, Mike.

MIKE: Of course it is, dumbass! That's the whole point of having a band!

BASS PLAYER: Woah, dude. That is a really misogynistic thing to say. That's the problem with your generation.

DRUMMER: Yeah, Mike. I thought you were a vegan-feminist, like us.

MIKE: I am! But that doesn't mean I can't get a BJ once in a while!

DON: That's exactly what it means, Mike. You just don't get it.

DRUMMER: Way to be mainstream, bro. It's not your fault you've been corrupted by images of gender roles and fascism. You've been brainwashed, man.

BASS PLAYER: Hey guys, can we swing by Whole Foods on the way home? I wanna pick up some organic, gluten free- soy-fish tacos, and some beet juice.

DON: Cool. Count me in.

DRUMMER: Sounds rad.

DON: You coming, Mike?

MIKE: Nah...

MIKE sullenly picks up his guitar case and heads towards the exit alone, muttering under his breath.

EXT/NIGHT

MIKE: Those guys are so fucking lame, Jesus Christ....fucking soy-fish-tacos...  
ZOOM IN on MIKE as he pauses to light a cigarette. As he does, he becomes slightly unfocused as the camera focuses on what's going on behind him. We see TODD, leaning against a lamp post, his arms crossed as he glares at MIKE.

TODD: YOU REALLY FUCKING SOLD OUT, DUDE.  
Focus on MIKE again, as he raises his head, but does not look behind him. His eyes narrow.

MIKE: Todd...

MIKE turns around to face him.

MIKE: It's been a long time. I see you've really let yourself go over the years. Not surprised.

TODD: SO IT HAS. I SEE YOU CUT THE JEW PUBES OFF YOUR HEAD AND GLUED THEM TO YOUR FACE! (MIKE shoots him a glare, but doesn't respond.) I'D ASK HOW YOU'VE BEEN BUT I REALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. NOT AFTER YOU WALKED OUT ON ME!

MIKE: I did what I had to do, man. You were holding us back from our mission. You were always fucking everything up.

TODD: OH YEAH? HOW'S THAT THERAPY SHIT GOING, BY THE WAY?

MIKE: (gives an uneasy side-glance) I don't do that anymore. I'm changing the world in my own ways.

TODD: (gives snort of amusement) WHAT BY HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF FAGS WHO PLAY FUCKING WEEZER COVER SONGS!?

MIKE: Weezer is an underrated band, ok? They were way ahead of their time! And unlike you, my new friends understand me.

TODD: WHAT'S THERE TO UNDERSTAND!? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A JEW FAG FUCK WHO LISTENS TO SHITTY MUSIC! I GUESS WEEZER ISN'T MUCH OF A STEP UP FROM OZZY!

MIKE: This is exactly why we're not friends anymore! And for your information, I'm not Jewish anymore, either! I'm a Buddhist!

TODD's eyes widen with disbelief

TODD: A WHAT!? DUDE!

MIKE turns his back to him and begins walking away.

MIKE: I'm done talking to you.

TODD begins to follow him.

TODD: LISTEN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I CAME HERE FOR A REASON! SATAN NEEDS OUR HELP RIGHT NOW!!

MIKE: Dude, I AM helping Satan!

TODD: HOW IS DRESSING AND ACTING LIKE PUSSY FUCKING HIPSTER HELPING SATAN!? SERIOUSLY, DUDE! ARE YOU FUCKING DETERMINED TO NEVER GET LAID EVER, BY LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL DOUCHE ALL THE TIME!?

Mike: Dude, it's not about getting laid! Besides, I have a girlfriend, now!

MIKE's phone dings and he digs it out of his pocket to check it.

MIKE: That's probably her, now!

ZOOM IN on MIKE's phone in his hand. On the screen is a text from someone who's icon photo shows a girl with blue hair, wearing glasses similar to MIKE's. Her name reads JESSICA and her text says:  
"Don told me about your misogynistic comment. I'm breaking up with you."

MIKE: Fuck...  
He shoves his phone into his pocket and resumes walking away from TODD who follows.

TODD: DUDE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? YOU WERE ALWAYS A FUCKING PUSSY, BUT LOOK AT YOU! YOU'VE BECOME EVERYTHING YOU USED TO HATE!

MIKE: Say whatever you want, dude, your ignorant facist opinions mean nothing to me!

TODD: YOU USED TO BE PISSED OFF, ALL THE TIME! THE SON OF 'THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS' (he says this with a tinge of mockery). A FUCKING SATANIC IMMORTAL MINION OF SATAN! NOW YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING SELL OUT LOSER! JUST LIKE SOMEONE ELSE I KNOW! LIKE FATHER LIKE SON!  
MIKE stops in his tracks. His nostrils flare, but he shakes his head.

MIKE: That's not gonna work this time, Todd! I'm not going to let your words effect my energy.

TODD: AND ANOTHER THING! STOP TALKING LIKE A FUCKING FAG! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR METAL VOICE, DUDE!?

MIKE: It's gone, alright!? And so are all the useless fantasies I used to have about being a huge rock star and shit! You know why? Because I grew up and pulled my head out of my ass and realized it was never going to happen! Maybe you should do the same instead of holding onto the past like delusional moron!

TODD: PFFT! SO I CAN BE A FUCKING SELL OUT LIKE YOU? NO THANKS! WHAT'S NEXT, YOU GONNA GET YOUR OWN REALITY SHOW AND MARRY SOME OLD BRITISH FUCKING HAG WHO HAS HER OWN TALK SHOW!? YOU'RE THE ONE STILL TRYING TO FIT IN WITH FUCKING 15 YEAR OLD HIPSTER FAGS INSTEAD OF REALIZING THAT YOUR JUST A WASHED UP FUCK WHO NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYMORE!! GEE...I GUESS THAT'S ANOTHER THING YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH OZZY!

MIKE: FUCK YOU, DUDE! (he quickly clears his throat to regain his cool) Look, this whole arguing over who's dad is cooler got old a LONG time ago, dude. Give it a rest.

TODD steps forward, placing his hands on MIKE's shoulders and gives him a violent shake.

TODD: THAT'S IT MIKE. GET PISSED. RELEASE YOUR INNER DEMON, DUDE!

MIKE: You're the one who has inner demons, dude. I don't.

TODD: (slaps MIKE's face out of frustration.) FOR FUCK SAKE DUDE! WAKE UP! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR MISSION TO REIGN TERROR ON THIS WORLD BY ASSEMBLING A DARK ARMY FOR SATAN!? HOW IN THE FUCK IS LOVING WORLD PEACE AND EATING GLUTEN FREE SHIT HELPING SATAN!?

MIKE shrugs himself free of TODD's grip, but says nothing.

TODD: LOOK, DUDE. SADDAM HUSSEIN APPEARED TO ME YESTERDAY, AND HE TOLD ME THAT IF WE DON'T HELP THEM NOW, WE'LL NEVER BE ALLOWED BACK IN HELL!! DUDE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HELL, AND HOW KICK ASS IT IS? OR HAVE THESE FUCKING HIPSTER DOUCHE BAGS BRAINWASHED YOU!??

MIKE: Of course, I remember, dude! You think I don't care about our mission? I cared, big time! It was you who never gave a fuck! Always off getting drunk and trying to score with chicks young enough to be your daughter, and for what!? Why do you think I came here? I just needed to get away from you so I could be more productive!

TODD: THEN WHY HAVE YOU TURNED INTO SUCH A FAGGOT!? OBVIOUSLY WE CAN'T COMPLETE OUR MISSION UNLESS WE'RE TOGETHER, DUDE! JUST LIKE OUR DADS, WHEN THEY WENT THEIR OWN WAYS. ONLY YOURS SUCKED HARDER THAN MINE AND TURNED INTO A FUCKING DOUCHE, LIKE YOU! MY DAD NEVER LOST HIS FUCKING AWESOMENESS! HE JUST KICKED ASS EVEN MORE!!

MIKE: (becoming noticeably annoyed.) Stop bringing my dad into this, ok!? I'M WARNING YOU!

TODD: WHY!? YOU CAN'T HANDLE BEING THE SON OF A FUCKING AGING USELESS WASHED UP PEICE OF SHIT WHO NEVER AMOUNTED TO ANYTHING!? WHO THREW HIS FUCKING CAREER AWAY FOR MONEY AND DRUGS!? FUCK YOUR DAD, DUDE! HE FUCKING SUCKED AS A FRONT MAN IN SABBATH AND HE FUCKING SUCKED IN HIS SOLO CAREER AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING BUT SUCK!! JUST!!! LIKE!!! YOU!!! YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF A BUDDIST OR WHATEVER BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A FAGGOT FUCKING JEW WITH A FAGGOT FUCKING WASHED UP SELL-OUT DAD!!!

TODD gives MIKE a hard shove back, which seems to be the final straw. The camera ZOOMs IN x 3 onto the the iris of his eye, where a narrow, red hot upside down pentagon symbol suddenly takes form, along with a circle. PAN back out to his face, which is full of RAGE.

The chorus of "Hellraiser" by Ozzy Osbourne briefly overlaps the scene and fades out.

MIKE: SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOUR DAD IS NOTHING BUT A TALENTLESS FUCKING WANNABE WHO MADE HIS WHOLE CAREER RIDING OFF OF MY DAD'S FAME!!! HE'D BE NOTHING WITHOUT OZZY!! JUST LIKE YOU'D BE NOTHING WITHOUT ME!!

TODD seems impressed for a brief moment before his angry expression returns.

TODD: YOU FUCKING WISH YOU STUPID HIPSTER JEW!! YOUR NOTHING BUT A FUCKING HYPOCRITE BASTARD FOR THINKING THAT ANYTHING MAINSTREAM IS UNCOOL!! YOUR DAD MAY HAVE BEEN MAINSTREAM BUT HE HAD NO FUCKING TALENT!! HE CANT EVEN FORM A SENTENCE WITH OUT SPUTTERING LIKE A FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED FUCK!!! MY DAD WAS POETIC! A LYRICAL GENIUS!!

MIKE: HE WROTE ABOUT FUCKING RAINBOWS IN THE DARK! RAINBOWS ARE FOR FUCKING FAGS!!

One of MIKE's hipster friends in the distance: Hey! That's not cool, man!

MIKE turns around to address him

MIKE: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY!!

TODD: THAT'S IT! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! FEEL THE INNER RAGE, DUDE!

TODD throws the devil horns sign in his former companion's face, who shoves his hand away.

MIKE: DON'T FUCKING USE THE SIGN THAT MY DAD INVENTED!

TODD: HE DID NOT YOU FUCKING TOOL!! EVERYONE KNOWS DIO DID!

MIKE: FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

MIKE and TODD begin shoving each other back and forth, and then slapping at each other, just like old times. Before long, they are wrestling on the ground, TODD with his hands wrapped tightly around MIKE's throat. They roll around the side walk for a bit, until MIKE manages to free himself from the scuffle and rise to his feet. He picks up a full trash can, raises it above his head and empties it onto TODD, as he still lays on the ground.

MIKE: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!? COVERED IN TRASH BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY ARE TRASH!!! FUCK YOU!!!

TODD gets up, all pissed off. He grabs what's left of MIKE's jew-fro and throws him into a nearby brick wall. They shove each other some more, with many on-lookers either gathering around, while other people ignore them and try to step around them. Both of their faces are bloodied at this point. As the scuffle continues, they step off of the side walk, while grabbing each other and swinging, and are suddenly HIT by a yellow taxi. It screeches to a halt as the pair of them are sent flying through the air.

MIKE lands first on the pavement, about 10 feet away, and TODD quickly lands on top of him. For a brief moment, they both lie limply, apparently dead. TODD then pulls himself up, with much difficulty, and lies on his back on the pavement, appearing even more bloody and road-rashed.

RANDOM ONLOOKER: OH MY GOD! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!

TODD: (groaning in pain) FUUUUUUUCK.....You're still a DICK!!

As MIKE is also attempting to force himself off the ground with what strength he has left, TODD raises his arm as he says "DICK" and drives his fist into MIKE's back, sending him back to the ground. A MIKE begins to retaliate, the drawn out sound of a horn is heard. As they both look up, they are RAN OVER and brutally killed by a bus.

/END scene


End file.
